How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
