so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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