She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
