I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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