Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
