You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
