forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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