Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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