The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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