i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
