She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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