Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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