Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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