The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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