You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
