too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
