We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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