Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
