eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
