I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
