from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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