I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
