I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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