Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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