its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
