You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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