things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
