Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
