my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
