I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
