If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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