got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
