wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
