Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
