I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
