There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
