some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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