im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
