Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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