Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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