Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
