I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
