The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
