grandma shit on top of the toilet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
