I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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