Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
