Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
