I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
