God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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