I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
