she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
